Having a living being that’s growing inside you every day, brings you closer to mother nature, the source of everything. You might feel a shift in your energy as you walk by the sea or in a forest. As your baby grows inside of you, it brings you a fresh and brand new life energy. Can you look at yourself from the outside? Give it a try…

This is a period when you redefine yourself, grow alongside your baby, be born again with your baby, and create the new “you.” It’s a spiritual process during which your thoughts and emotions change, you review your connections to life, your attitude, and perception, and maybe reconsider some of your boundaries.

This is also a great time for you to look into what you share with your partner. You are the one going through the pregnancy and all the physical changes are hap-pening in your body, but your spouse is also getting emotionally and spiritually ready to be a parent. You wouldn’t be on this exact journey if it wasn’t for him. It might comfort your partner if you could direct your attention to him and not on your body from time to time. This could also be a nice exercise for the future to keep your relationship healthy after the baby’s born.

You can begin to have conversations with your partner about your new life with a baby. What does the future hold for you? How are you feeling at the moment? What are your expectations from one another? These conversations might take some time to really improve and expecting a baby gives rise to so many different feelings in you that you can only make sense of them by talking about and sharing them.

It could also be comforting for your partner to share with him exactly what kind of delivery you want very clearly. Because no matter how much they want to help, spous-es may not really know how to go about it and how to behave which can easily stress them out. If your partner is aware of your expectations regarding the birth, he will both feel better and be able to convey them to the delivery team and keep track of everything while you’re in labor. It’s important that you talk to your husband beforehand about who you want with you during the delivery. That way you can prevent any tension and awkwardness that might come up last minute. Will you have photos and videos shot? Will you accept visitors at the hospital after the birth? You should share all your thoughts with your spouse and tell him how you’d feel best. If you encourage your husband to be open and clear about his feelings, you can easily get on the same page and experience a less stressful pregnancy and delivery. I’ve listed all these options in the “birth plan” which you will see in the following chapters.

You have come together with your significant other, made a baby and now you’re on your way to becoming a family of three. Are you still making enough time just for the two of you or is all you think about your unborn baby? What about sex life? As I’ve already emphasized, if you have any concerns about having sex, you should defi-nitely and comfortably talk to your doctor. Especially those who are going through a risky pregnancy should consult their doctors. Physical intimacy with your spouse is at least as important as emotional intimacy. What’s more, is that this is a rare time in your life when you can have sex without contraception. 

I think every child chooses their parents before being born. There are things that the mother, the father, and the baby can all learn from one another. So, this is also a good time for you to ponder on why you and your partner have chosen one another. Try to enjoy every moment of this nine-month journey with this little person who has chosen you, because this is the only special time you can be in the same body with it.

Modern medicine treats birth like a simple, medical reality. However, for the woman, not only is birth not a disease, but it’s also a magical and joyful process be-yond any technical explanation and an experience provided by a wonderfully function-ing mechanism. It is actually a gift for the woman…

Being able to create a human being, producing it out of your body, and bringing it out into the world sounds unbelievable. What are your thoughts on that? Are you thankful to your body for accepting this responsibility? Because millions of women would give anything to get this opportunity. Numerous factors that have changed in our lifestyles in comparison to the past have negatively affected our reproductive health. Infertility is on the rise, both in Turkey and in the world and it looks like it’s only going to get worse. You know what I’m talking about if you watch the TV show, The Handmaid’s Tale.

During pregnancy, you might feel trapped, frustrated, and exhausted for a varie-ty of reasons. If you do, you can try reminding yourself that you are actually one of the lucky few.

Having the courage to become pregnant, agreeing to bring into the world anoth-er human being takes a lot of responsibility, bravery, passion, and patience. We make a lot of compromises when we make this decision and it’s important to remember to be compassionate and kind towards ourselves. Therefore, please take care of yourself and don’t neglect to feed your soul as well.

If you are usually the one in your relationships who makes the decision and takes responsibility, it might do you some good to start letting others do things for you now. You should particularly let your husband spoil and support you. Let him do the cooking, for example… One of the things that really helped me during my pregnancy was the fruit/vegetable juices that my husband made for me with superfoods every morning or whenever I felt low on energy. It was both an opportunity for me to get the minerals and vitamins I needed, and they were extremely delicious. (You can find the recipes in the upcoming “Supplementary Drinks” section.)

Every now and then you can fill up the tub and draw yourself a nice bubble bath, or go to a spa and get a pregnancy massage. Once the baby’s born, it’s all going to be about the baby, naturally, and you probably won’t have any time for yourself for a long time. This is the best time to take care of yourself…

I’ve mentioned fear about a lot of things, and now I’d like to get to the essence of that fear and look it straight in the eye. Fear is a basic human emotion, so it’s not realis-tic to expect it to go away completely, but we can choose what we do in spite of its presence. It’s possible to be afraid of many things during pregnancy, especially if it’s your first time. A gradually growing belly, increasing appetite, some new change occur-ring on your body every single day, uncertainties of your changing life, ambiguities about motherhood, changes in the dynamic between you and your spouse, develop-ments in the usage of financial resources, thoughts about the things you leave behind as you go from womanhood to motherhood and the intensity of every feeling in gene-ral… All these can scare you. Especially when some movies about pregnancy are de-signed specifically to scare you!

The sense of fear, just as all the other senses, focuses our attention on one thing and pushes us to work on it. So, saying that you’re afraid and leaving it at that is the last thing to do about fear, because then the feeling loses its purpose.

It’s possible to not feed fear because it grows bigger the more you feed it, just like love. Be mindful of what you feed, especially when you are pregnant. If you want to feed something, feed your self-confidence. Remind yourself frequently that every-thing is okay and that the entire universe is supportive of you on this journey. Remind yourself that women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, that your body is bursting with wisdom, and that it is designed perfectly for this task. Review these bits of confidence-nurturing information every time you get a fear attack and then watch all your fears vanish into thin air – poof!

While I was pregnant, I would often think about a scene from a movie I had seen a long time ago. It’s a war zone, bombs are going off everywhere, people are running around and there is not a brick left standing. In the middle of everything, there is a pregnant woman who is about to give birth. The camera slowly pans from the explo-sions to the woman and as if she is not in the middle of a battle, she holds her belly and moves to a quiet spot as the noises die down. Then all we hear is the sound of her breathing. She keeps breathing calmly, then starts to push, and eventually gives birth to her baby…

This scene that was probably meant to be scary, had made me feel that life al-ways finds its way and it is indeed miraculous. Humans may start wars, but birth be-longs to the creator. And a woman can give birth all on her own even if she doesn’t have anyone. Nature somehow lets you know what needs to be done when it’s time. Love is stronger than fear, and each birth is a renewal of love for life and faith in hu-manity. You can overcome all your fears through believing, trusting, and becoming in-formed and aware.

Not Being Afraid Of Fear…

As I have already pointed out, today’s world of medicine has made birth into a scary event to be feared and perpetuated the perception that things usually go wrong during delivery. They make it seem like exceptionally equipped hospitals, serious oper-ations and interventions are unavoidable to give birth.

Women have begun to believe that it’s a privilege to be allowed by their doctors to give birth vaginally, whereas that right has already been given to women at the mo-ment of creation. The presence of doctors is of course very important, they do save lives during emergencies and I am thankful that they exist. However, women who are not in dire emergencies are still scared out of their minds and their fears are fed. This makes women weaker and that, in turn, only makes the society weaker. In this atmos-phere of fear, women rely on doctors and wait for the time to come without realizing the incredible power inside of them.

The best course of action is to start educating yourself the moment you find out you are pregnant. I think that there should be a course in schools titled “Birth, Preg-nancy and Motherhood.” It’s not that difficult to learn about what birth is, how many stages it consists of, what helps the people involved, what rare conditions can risk nat-ural birth, etc.

What is your physical condition? Once you talk to your doctor about everything in detail and review your condition, it’ll be easier to choose your path. Be very careful as you do this because women are systematically being convinced that C-sections are quite easy. But that is not true at all and natural birth is much easier than a C-section. C-section is a huge surgical operation and no one should be encouraged to CHOOSE that option. In many developed countries around the world, it’s not even possible to en-courage women to get C-sections. You can find out more about the research on this subject as well as detailed information in the chapter titled “Research.”

Both the baby and the mother can easily adapt to daily life following a natural birth. Women who are scared/made to fear pain and contractions think that they can escape it by getting a cesarean section, which is absolutely false! C-section is much more painful and hard to manage than a vaginal, natural birth.

There is a secret known to every woman who gives birth: natural delivery makes you stronger. It whispers in your ear that if you are a healthy mother and you are not at any risk, do not let this experience be taken away from you due to arbitrary excuses.

I have another suggestion for you. Note down all your fears during pregnancy and try to figure out whether they are real or imaginary. Are you afraid of giving birth or becoming a mother? Are you maybe afraid that you won’t be good enough? Or is there something else that you are afraid of? Are you the source of these fears or have you been influenced by something you’ve watched or read? You can pick all these apart and see what’s true for you. 

If You Can Do This, You Can Do Literally Anything In Life!

Those maternal instincts that we keep hearing about are real and they start right here. Of course, they also surge exponentially after birth. In today’s world, where everything is left in the hands of modern medicine, this precious feeling can be left aside. Tests upon tests, too many doctor’s appointments, the never-ending horror stories sometimes get to be too much and alienate women from their nature.

How much do you believe in yourself and the universe? Can you put your faith in the universe? Surely, tests must be run when there is a requirement, but how many of them are essential? How are these things done in developed countries? Keep re-searching, keep asking.

As you draw up your birth plan, no matter what you do, make sure that you insist on having your baby laid upon your chest right after it is born. Ask them to do things like weighing the baby right next to you. Those first minutes are for you and your baby to meet. Your baby should lay on your chest, inhale your scent, and feel safe. All the other necessary checks can be performed after that (see Birth Plan).


Burcu Kutluk


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